I don't have Drive or motivation or goals or passions and its taking a toll on me , i had a convo with my mom earlier about my future and i told her i just wanted a job and an apartment and that was enough for me and she basically asked if i was fine being a bump on a log and i kinda got upset and told her no one cares but i only told her that because i know I'm just a bum. i have no goals or aspirations and no motivation to do anything, i can't even get myself to get up and shower or clean my room , Do i like living like this? no i hate being like this just bed rotting all day. i think about it every day , i already tried therapy and i had the worst person ever and its irritating because I was really happy to be getting help! i thought i was gonna get better but all i got was a old man who asked me questions like a preschool teacher , mind you! even before i tried therapy , in middle school i made the grave mistake of going to the school counselor and it was the worst! i couldn't even stay for 5 minutes before she'd kick me out, dumb repetitive questions and just put a tin of putty in my hands and sent me on my way then in my freshman year i confided in my fourth hour teacher about my problems but not all the way and it brought me a smidge of happiness to hear his support. I've talked to my mom numerous times! we have the same convo every month! I tell her I'm not feeling the best mentally she says okay we'll get you help and then nothing happens the same goddam cycle, I'm rotting from the inside out and all i can do i sit here and write in my journal and cry. eat . sleep , get up for virtual class, eat again , doomscroll , online shop repeat over & over .....at least my keyboard delivered...
No comments:
Post a Comment